he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
