I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
