I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
