The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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