I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
