Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
