we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
