like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
