she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
His hands were made for my vagina.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
