it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
