we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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