Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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