Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I am midnight drunk by noon
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Randomize
