he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He had some BAD nuttage
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.