Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
