it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Let's paint friendship bongs
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.