it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
