And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
