Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.