ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm