can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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