Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
