I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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