Whatcha textin bout Willis?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
