Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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