I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
