Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
