Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
