Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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