I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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