Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I understand Curling. That high.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
