He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize