you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize