Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
