I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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