What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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