AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
