Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
