Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
