let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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