I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Acid is not a monday night drug
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
