38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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