carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
