have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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