Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
