so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
