why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize