Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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