Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
