Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
