dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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