Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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