how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
