it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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