Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
