I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
