bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
