I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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