My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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