this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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