Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
