I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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