a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
