i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
