Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
