Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
