i barfeds in our rink
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
