And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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