I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
whose parrot is this?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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