Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Randomize
