just tell him i said nine months
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
