Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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