I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
