Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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