what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
