Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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