Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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