Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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