I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
