So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
