my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
