eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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