Your tits are I can't wait for
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize