So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
