Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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