I think I died a long time ago.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
